What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
You Jokes
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
What do you call a nervous Jedi?
Panakin.
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.