What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water, and boil the hell out of it.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?
"Please get out of the pool."
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
What do you call a person that inherits a lot of money?
A millionheir.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
