You jokes
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
Are you beef?
Because you're Carlos-Asada.
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
Did you try the digital egg padlock? Because it is very easy to crack the code.
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how many you throw.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
Cuddle with you.🙂
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.