You jokes

You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!

You know the sport that Mexicans are good at?

Cross-country.

You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.

What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.

So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

Kid: How much do you get paid?

Teacher: Minimum wage.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

What do you call a nine year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

What do you call a short student?

A Ravin.

What do you call a bullet head?

JFK.

Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!

Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?

The "Ching Chang Gang."

An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"

Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"

Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?

Names......