How do you fit three flags on a bar stool?
Flip it over!
Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
Babies can spread a nasty smell,
especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
You know the sport that Mexicans are good at?
Cross-country.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."
We never saw him again.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
What do you call a short student?
A Ravin.
