Hate me all you want, but I rather love bullying in all fairness. I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.
Knock it out, you poo-a-loo, go get your loo.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
8008135 is my favorite number.
The worst ratio is 6:9.
And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
Person you don't know, my name.
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
What do you call someone that is Mexican that has a BMW?
A big Mexican woman.
I mean I'd tell you a joke about the pizza I ate, but it's just too cheesy.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
What do you call a three humped camel.
A prostitute from new york
If you hate America, I don't like you :)
How do you make Indians explode? Press the red button.
