You jokes
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.
I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
Why is calculus called calc? Because you need a calculator. Lol.
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?
A Mac Daddy Pro.
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
You want a joke? My entire existence.
Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?
Well, neither did she!
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"
What is the difference between a dog and a cat?
I don't know either.
Why do you think I asked you? ;)
What happens when you bring a paedophile to a baby's birthday party?
You will have even more birthday parties to go to.
You walk into an area that has big asses on the wall, and they feel lifelike, so you put your dick into them, and you go on the opposite side of the wall, and women are naked through the wall.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.