You jokes

A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"

I answered, "6 feet underground."

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.

"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you!

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?

'Cause she will let it go.

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."

What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?

A waist of time.

If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!

What did A say to Y?

"You cannot be alpha like me." :)

Y said, "Why? (Y)"

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?

Bryce: What?

Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!

P.S. I'm a girl.

What do you call a black hole?

Butt hole.

What do you call a boy in your mom?

Your dad.

You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.

What do you call a butt that kills people?

An ASSassin :)