Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
You Jokes
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
How do you make a plumber sad?
You kill his family.
Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.
So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
You suck.
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
"Bippity Boppity Boo, Donald Trump is gonna deport you!"
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
Why do ducks have feathers?
So you don't see their butt. *quack* (crack)
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.
Have you ever met a knight with a metanite at night?
So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.
I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.
That moment when you realize you do not have a joke and someone ends up laughing at what you still wrote anyway.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"