You jokes
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
What did the butcher say to the pig?
Nice to meat you.
What do you call a bald science teacher?
HOBBS LOL XD :)
What happens when you suck?
You succ.
Wanna hear a joke? You thick.
When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"
What did the cell say when it was dividing?
"It's not you, it's me."
I slip on the wet floor, haha silly water :)
-Kachow!!!!!!!!!!!
-LMQ, You know what comes before lighting? THUNDER KACHIGA
I would tell you a story of my dad... If I knew who he was.
You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru!
To you, Iron Man may seem cool or awesome, but to me, he is pretty ironic.
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
Question: What did the sun say to the little star?
Answer: Are you my SUN?
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.