You jokes
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
What did one ballsack say to another?
"You stay here, I'll go pee."
I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...
“Are you still holding the ladder??”
Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday...
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
Are you choked?
Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
What do you call a pig in a farm?
- A pig in a farm.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
What do you call a cringey Indian man? A Cringian.
Sorry, the joke is bad :(
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."
People are like trees...
If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.