In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.
In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.
You Jokes
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!
Teacher: Where’s the P?
Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)
What do you call an angry Texan?
A Confederate leader.
What do you call a farting boxer?
Gaseous Clay.
A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"
You know this joke really cracks up my bones!
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.
What do you call Stephen Hawking going fast?
Hot Wheels.
What do you call a cow in a moving van?
A: A mooving cow.
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
You know sex is better than logic, but I could've proved it...
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
What do you call the worst joke teller of all time?
Ben or Chris?
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?
LEAN BEEF!
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!