I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
You Jokes
And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.
You other brothers can’t deny that she’s fly.
You know we straight with doin' your mom.
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
What did the first rape victim say to the second rape victim?
"You are a consequence of rape!"
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!
Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.
Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!
Sans: Yea bro.
Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!