You jokes
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.
Are you a toaster?
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
You a cunt.
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead, so are you.
(I have no friends because all of my friends play Fortgay, just like my friends all of them are gay.)
What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄
What did one dog say to another dog? I love you.
Knock knock. Who's there? Hal. Hal who? Hal will you know if you don't open the door?
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
What happens if you mix the two names "Shannon" and "Stephanie"? You have the name "Shanny."
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Police: *Arrests me*