Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common?
You can't even deal with it!
I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil but now it is pointless
Did you know that French fries aren't from France? They're cooked in Greece.
Me: Have you seen the movie Constipation?
You: No.
Me: Because it hasn’t come out yet! ERMINER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what did one poop say to the other poop? what's the matter you look flushed
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.
The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂
How do you know if an Asian has broke into your house? Your dog is gone. ;)
why cant you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
because tye "p"is silent
What did the kid say to the toilet?
"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"
A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"
Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.
Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye
What do [you] call Tyler Brown?
A spaz.
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
Sisters before misters.
I hope you get better.
I love you.
Did you hear about the new doggy condos?
Apparently they are now releasing!
