You Jokes

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?

Because the P is silent.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

Two of the worst jokes ever.

What do you call a crying dick?

I call it a crying dick.

So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."

What do you call a prehistoric crow? Crow-Magnon.

Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.

The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”

What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?

Ereptile Dysfunction!

What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup?

A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?

He totally kilt her.

If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?

How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

Your dog's gone.

Your finances are done.

And your floaties.

What do you call James, James?

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

Q: What do women and KFC have in common?

A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."

How do you make a baby float?

You take your foot off its head.

what do you call a sad cup of coffee?

Depresso!!! LOL XD XD XD

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.