How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
You Jokes
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?
Hop in!
If I get an atom, I would split it with you.
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar..."" The bartender says, "Just stop and take your fucking drink!"
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
I wrote a passage to stop about bullying, and it was easy. Do you know why?
Because I am a bully!
How do you make any salad a Caesar salad?
Stab it 23 times!
Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.
Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!
Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T
You know a baby bottle looks kinda like a penis... Also sausage and hotdogs too.
Q: What do you call a funny midget?
A: Kevin
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
Literally no one: Why can't you hear the pterodactyl?
Random person: I don't know.
No one: BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT!
Random person: Ha, cool, I guess.
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?
Dad: Because she was made there.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.