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Run, or something will come to you, and you will be afraid to tell it to stop following you.

In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."

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    • What is you main food?

    Me: Pizza cause I'm cheesy.

    Friend: Chocolate chips cause I have a lot of friends.

    Girlfriend: Donut cause I have a lot of cream.

    What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

    When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...

    A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.

    Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*

    Friend: Are you okay?

    Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    Atch.

    Atch who?

    Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    Maserati.

    Maserati who?

    Why don't you clean up this Maserati?

    Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"

    Adding a "gl" in front of "camping" doesn't make it any better.

    If you add a "gl" in front of "Adolf Hitler," it doesn't make him a great guy.