World War II

World War II jokes

Race

What can an Olympic runner do that Hitler can't?

Finish a race.

Priest

Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

Adolf Hitler

A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler, but missed. Then Adolf replied, "Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!"

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  • Memes

    Hiroshima

    Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.

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  • Lie

    A family of three, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”

    “Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.

    “Let me start,” says the son.

    “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.

    “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.

    “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom.

    “You’re right!” He replies.

    “I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”

    “Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son.

    “The lie isn’t that you’re adopted,” says the dad.

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  • Grandpa

    Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."

    My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."

    Chef

    Q: Why did the chef get fired?

    A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

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  • Hitler

    Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.

    "Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.

    "Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"

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  • Hitler

    The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.

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  • German

    To be the perfect German, you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbels, and as blonde as Hitler.

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  • Atomic Bomb

    Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?

    From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.

    Fatman

    why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.

    Hitler

    When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

    "One, he killed himself."

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  • Jewelry

    Why do Nazis not wear necklaces, rings, and bracelets? Because they hate jewelry.