A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
when you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family buisness
What do you call sex in the world trade center?
An inside job.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till I realized it is a family business.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
So you get a new job, and here something about this guy named mike, The next day you go into the office and mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and Rainbows and stuff, then, a co-worker comes up and says "No one told you mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*".
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
Bosses are like seagulls. They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
I'll never forget my bosses last words: " We shall serve the best meat in our burgers! "
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."
