Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
A receptionist at the Twin Towers orders two pepperoni pizzas. She was upset when she got two planes.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.