What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?
LIFE.
Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"
What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?
CUMedy.
What do you call a person with no body and no nose? "Nobody knows."
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
I entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.
It's ice to see you.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
What do you call a horse rider with Down syndrome?
Down Quijote.
What flowers are on your face?
Did you know the letter "F" in orphan stands for family?
