Word jokes

What is the one word orphans don’t know? Homework.

What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?

Hangman.

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

It's kinda sad seeing you attempt to put your whole vocabulary in one sentence. Oh wait, you only said three words.

The "p" in Africa stands for peace.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

My teacher said, "Words don't hurt!"

So I threw my dictionary at her.

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Why did they call it "Aqua Claudia"?

Because it carried water, and another word for water is aqua. Duh!

My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

Please write your comment.

But do not use words like monkey, donkey, loser, etc.

What is a gay person's favorite book?

The dictionary.

My name is Myria, my right nut.

My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Dragon.

Dragon deez nuts.

Dragon deez nuts who?

DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!

If the longest word in history is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, then it's big cousin would [be] something longer, right?

Nope, something way longer:

BEHO-methionyl​threonyl​threonyl​glutaminyl​alanyl​prolyl​threonyl​phenyl​alanyl​threonyl​glutaminyl​prolyl​leucyl​glutaminyl​seryl​valyl​valyl​valyl​leucyl​glutamyl​glycyl​seryl​threonyl​alanyl​threonyl​phenyl​alanyl​glutamyl​alanyl​histidyl​isoleucyl​seryl​glycyl​phenyl​alanyl​prolyl​valyl​prolyl​glutamyl​valyl​seryl​tryptophyl​phenyl​alanyl​arginyl​aspartyl​glycyl​glutaminyl​valyl​isoleucyl​seryl​threonyl​seryl​threonyl​leucyl​prolyl​glycyl​valyl​glutaminyl​isoleucyl​seryl​phenyl​alanyl​seryl​aspartyl​glycyl​arginyl​alanyl​lysyl​leucyl​threonyl​isoleucyl​prolyl​alanyl​valyl​threonyl​lysyl​alanyl​asparaginyl​seryl​glycyl​arginyl​tyrosyl​seryl​leucyl​lysyl​alanyl​threonyl​asparaginyl​glycyl​seryl​glycyl​glutaminyl​alanyl​threonyl​seryl​threonyl​alanyl​glutamyl​leucyl​leucyl​valyl​lysyl​alanyl​glutamyl​threonyl​alanyl​prolyl​prolyl​asparaginyl​phenyl​alanyl​valyl​glutaminyl​arginyl​leucyl​glutaminyl​seryl​methionyl​threonyl​valyl​arginyl​glutaminyl​glycyl​seryl​glutaminyl​valyl​arginyl​leucyl​glutaminyl​valyl​arginyl​valyl​threonyl​glycyl​isoleucyl​prolyl​asparaginyl​prolyl​valyl​valyl​lysyl​phenyl​alanyl​tyrosyl​arginyl​aspartyl​glycyl​alanyl​glutamyl​isoleucyl​glutaminyl​seryl​seryl​leucyl​aspartyl​phenyl​alanyl​glutaminyl​isoleucyl​seryl​glutaminyl​glutamyl​glycyl​aspartyl​leucyl​tyrosyl​seryl​leucyl​leucyl​isoleucyl​alanyl​glutamyl​alanyl​tyrosyl​prolyl​glutamyl​aspartyl​seryl​glycyl​threonyl​tyrosyl​seryl​valyl​asparaginyl​alanyl​threonyl​asparaginyl​seryl​valyl​glycyl​arginyl​alanyl​threonyl​seryl​threonyl​alanyl​glutamyl​leucyl​leucyl​valyl​glutaminyl​glycyl​glutamyl​glutamyl​glutamyl​valyl​prolyl​alanyl​lysyl​lysyl​threonyl​lysyl​threonyl​isoleucyl​valyl​seryl​threonyl​alanyl​glutaminyl​isoleucyl​seryl​glutamyl​seryl​arginyl​glutaminyl​threonyl​arginyl​isoleucyl​glutamyl​lysyl​lysyl​isoleucyl​glutamyl​alanyl​histidyl​phenyl​alanyl​aspartyl​alanyl​arginyl​seryl​isoleucyl​alanyl​threonyl​valyl​glutamyl​methionyl​valyl​isoleucyl​aspartyl​glycyl​alanyl​alanyl​glycyl​glutaminyl​glutaminyl​leucyl​prolyl​histidyl​lysyl​threonyl​prolyl​prolyl​arginyl​isoleucyl​prolyl​prolyl​lysyl​prolyl​lysyl​seryl​arginyl​seryl​prolyl​threonyl​prolyl​prolyl​seryl​isoleucyl​alanyl​alanyl​lysyl​alanyl​glutaminyl​leucyl​alanyl​arginyl​glutaminyl​glutaminyl​seryl​prolyl​seryl​prolyl​isoleucyl​arginyl​histidyl​seryl​prolyl​seryl​prolyl​valyl​arginyl​histidyl​valyl​arginyl​alanyl​prolyl​threonyl​prolyl​seryl​prolyl​valyl​arginyl​seryl​valyl​seryl​prolyl​alanyl​alanyl​arginyl​isoleucyl​seryl​threonyl​seryl​prolyl​isoleucyl​arginyl​seryl​valyl​arginyl​seryl​prolyl​leucyl​leucyl​methionyl​arginyl​lysyl​threonyl​glutaminyl​alanyl​seryl​threonyl​valyl​alanyl​threonyl​glycyl​prolyl​glutamyl​valyl​prolyl​prolyl​prolyl​tryptophyl​lysyl​glutaminyl​glutamyl​glycyl​tyrosyl​valyl​alanyl​seryl​seryl​seryl​glutamyl​alanyl​glutamyl​methionyl​arginyl​glutamyl​threonyl​threonyl​leucyl​threonyl​threonyl​seryl​threonyl​glutaminyl​isoleucyl​arginyl​threonyl​glutamyl​glutamyl​arginyl​tryptophyl​glutamyl​glycyl​arginyl​tyrosyl​glycyl​valyl​glutaminyl​glutamyl​glutaminyl​valyl​threonyl​isoleucyl​seryl​glycyl​alanyl​alanyl​glycyl​alanyl​alanyl​alanyl​seryl​valyl​seryl​alanyl​seryl​alanyl​seryl​tyrosyl​alanyl​alanyl​glutamyl​alanyl​valyl​alanyl​threonyl​glycyl​alanyl​lysyl​glutamyl​valyl​lysyl​glutaminyl​aspartyl​alanyl​aspartyl​lysyl​seryl​alanyl​alanyl​valyl​alanyl​threonyl​valyl​valyl​alanyl​alanyl​valyl​aspartyl​methionyl​alanyl​arginyl​valyl​arginyl​glutamyl​prolyl​valyl​isoleucyl​seryl​alanyl​valyl​glutamyl​glutaminyl​threonyl​alanyl​glutaminyl​arginyl​threonyl​threonyl​threonyl​threonyl​alanyl​valyl​histidyl​isoleucyl​glutaminyl​prolyl​alanyl​glutaminyl​glutamyl​glutaminyl​valyl​arginyl​lysyl​glutamyl​alanyl​glutamyl​lysyl​threonyl​alanyl​valyl​threonyl​lysyl​valyl​valyl​valyl​alanyl​alanyl​aspartyl​lysyl​alanyl​lysyl​glutamyl​glutaminyl​glutamyl​leucyl​lysyl​seryl​arginyl​threonyl​lysyl​glutamyl​isoleucyl​isoleucyl​threonyl​threonyl​lysyl​glutaminyl​glutamyl​glutaminyl​methionyl​histidyl​valyl​threonyl​histidyl​glutamyl​glutaminyl​isoleucyl​arginyl​lysyl​glutamyl​threonyl​glutamyl​lysyl​threonyl​phenyl​alanyl​valyl​prolyl​lysyl​valyl​valyl​isoleucyl​seryl​alanyl​alanyl​lysyl​alanyl​lysyl​glutamyl​glutaminyl​glutamyl​threonyl​arginyl​isoleucyl​seryl​glutamyl​glutamyl​isoleucyl​threonyl​lysyl​lysyl​glutaminyl​lysyl​glutaminyl​valyl​threonyl​glutaminyl​glutamyl​alanyl​isoleucyl​methionyl​lysyl​glutamyl​threonyl​arginyl​lysyl​threonyl​valyl​valyl​prolyl​lysyl​valyl​isoleucyl​valyl​alanyl​threonyl​prolyl​lysyl​valyl​lysyl​glutamyl​glutaminyl​aspartyl​leucyl​valyl​seryl​arginyl​glycyl​arginyl​glutamyl​glycyl​isoleucyl​threonyl​threonyl​lysyl​arginyl​glutamyl​glutaminyl​valyl​glutaminyl​isoleucyl​threonyl​glutaminyl​glutamyl​lysyl​methionyl​arginyl​lysyl​glutamyl​alanyl​glutamyl​lysyl​threon

Depressed should be spelled "depraseed" because then they would be 1, 2, 5, 9.