Women jokes

What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?

I don't care if she has either.

A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"

The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."

The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."

Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.

What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've told her twice.

How do women make you a millionaire?

When you're a billionaire.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."

Men: "I like dogs."

Women: "I like cats."

Chinese: "Food is food."

Why do heterosexual men and heterosexual women believe that bisexual men don't exist because male bisexuality doesn't exist? Because it doesn't cycle 🚲.

What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.

modern feminism.

One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.

A guy finds a genie.

He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."

"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"

Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:

The guy says, "I'm a fireman."

The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"

The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."

The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"

The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."

Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”

Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

A field of cotton waiting to be picked.

What do women and airplanes have in common?

A cockpit.