Woman jokes
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:
So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
I’d make fun of transgender women, but that’s low hanging fruit.
What do you call a black woman?
A Nigg-girl.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.