Woman

Woman Jokes

Day

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

Girlfriend

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

Man

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Mom

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

Disaster

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

Pear

When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.

She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.

I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!

Kitchen

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

Kitchen

How do you know a woman is blind?

Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.

Inch

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

Time

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

Morning

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

Relationship

A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.

A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.

Boob

A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."

To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."

Heart

The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.

The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.

Dart

At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.

On a related note, I suck at darts.