Woman jokes
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Roses are red, violets are blue, feminist pussy stinks, and yours does too.
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
What is a woman's name with one leg?
Eileen.
What is a disabled man called?
"Woman." Haha.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.
What kind of motorcycle do women ride? A menstrual cycle.
What kind of bike do women ride?
A menstrual cycle.
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.