I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
My wife told me to treat her like a princess so i got drunk and drove through the tunnel
Wife: looks in the mirror Wife: i look fat can you say something positive husband: at least your eyes work
ssundee: If this video gets to 100k likes ill post part 2 SSUNDEE WIFE: SHUT THE #### UP
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off.
JFK was so popular he was banged in front of his Wife
john walk into pat at the barn he was dancing nacked in front of a tractor john said hey pat what you doing pat said well me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed so I went to a therapist and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)
me: *stabs vampire*
wife: omg
me: *beats vampire to death*
wife: OMG
me: what
wife: ur supposed to give them candy
me: well thats a sticky situation now isnt it barbara
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes So she gave me a hug
You know they say, when you get lemos make lemonade...Well i took that a little bit too literal
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
You have to be a good mom to be a milf
trump pumped and dumped his wife at the border
So one day i have a wife but if its getting a longer day she is moving so weird and i see she has sex with rick astleyπ [rickrolled]
A man died and went to heaven, everytime you cheat you get a worse car, the first man cheated 5 times he got a jeep, the second man cheat 3 times he got a BMW, the third man never cheated he got a Lamborghini, the second man saw the third man sad he said "why are you sad" the third man said "I saw my wife with a scooter".
technoblade never got a wife
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know ask your wife
Suicide is as easy as my ex wife