Why did the tall building fall?
It was September 11th
I told my wife* she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised
*(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as an helix ruler)
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf and he worked at a morgue. So one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse. He then came home, and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf and he worked at a morgue. So one time poor Dan got confused and start having sex with the rotting corpse. He then came home, and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse’s pain to the father’s nervous system. He agrees and the doctors turn to dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
my wife told me to give give her 8 inches so i had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back