2 drunk men spot a pig on some old farmers land.And they were real hungry (or so they said) and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.And so they did and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said “well goddammit if it was a pig they wanted why didn’t they just take my wife”.

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard? Reload…chhchhhh

little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"

what did the man say to his wife? “MAKE ME A DAMN SANDWICH WOMAN!”

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, “her life.”

My marriage was on the rocks so I buried my wife under some.

My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.

Why did Stephen hawking die? His wife forgot to plug his wheelchair into the wall

A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini. The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him. The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao

What did Steven Hawkins wife say to him having sex ? Your wheelie good at this

I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .

A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What’s got you down" The man says “I just found out my Niece is gay.” The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks “What’s got you down now?” The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women?" The man says “My wife does.”

Why do brides wear white?

So the match the kitchen appliances

how did the guy greet his wife howdy sister

My wife still misses me…

But her aim is getting better!

Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?

He totally kilt her.

One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face

two husbands walk into a bar the first one says my wife is an angel the second one says your lucky mine is still alive