Why jokes
Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.
Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"
Why didn't the Asian get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Why can't Juice Wrld play Black Ops II?
Because he can't handle 6 perks.
Memes
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Thanos snapped.
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?
Because they lost their two best shooters...
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
Why does Mexico not have a good athletics team? Because anyone who can run or jump is already over the wall.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pizza, but all they got was plane.
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
Why don't dinosaurs lay eggs?
Because they're EGGstinct!
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.