Why jokes
Everyone says "no homo," why do gays not say "no hetero?"
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
Why did the kids love the mushrooms?
Because they're fun-guys!
Why did the chicken not cross the road?
Because it saw your face!
Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
Why is suicide illegal?
Because it destroys government property.
Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?
To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he doesn't know where home is.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they're dead.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
You know why I hate paper? It's TEAR-able to the environment.
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?
Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."
And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"
Why were the people in the Twin Towers upset? They ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plane.
Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division?
Because it has at least one hundred degrees.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom?
Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom.