Why jokes
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
Why do cheetahs have spots?
Chickenpox!
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
You work at Papa's Pizzeria, ok?
Boss: You're fired!
Me: Ok?
Worker: Why are you fired?
Me: Oh, you wanna know...
*shows him the oven with my pizza*
Me: I left my pizza in the oven, that bitch burnt as fuck!!
Worker: OH SHIT!!
Boss: Did you say pizza?
Me: I sure did!
*shows boss pizza in oven*
Me: This hoe black as fuck!
Boss: I fired you because I can't stop looking at your ass, not this why?
I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-
Why did Sally run into a tree?
She is blind.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger-licking good.
Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
Why did the doctor check out Earth?
He had a tummy quake.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looked in the mirror.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.
Why did John throw the butter out? Because John wanted to see the butterfly.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.