Why jokes

Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?

He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?

Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."

Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.

Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout?

Because every time they scan, it scans twice.

Why are orphans so good at tennis?

Because that’s the only love they get.

Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?

Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

If Uranus is so gross, why do they take HD photos of it?

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.

Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?

Because they had a connection.

Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.

Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?

Because he’s dead.

You idiot.

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?

Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.

Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.

Why are Muslims not fond of American cops?

Because Muslims don't like pigs!

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out the W's.