A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
Why Jokes
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They can never make it home.
So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Why did Trump go to Jeffrey's secret Island?
So he could trump that little bitch!
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
