Why jokes
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
Why did he die?
Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.
For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?
He blacks out.
Steven Hawking died. I said, "Why? Did his wheelchair break?"
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?
Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
I heard Microsoft got charged, why?
They couldn’t reboot Stephen Hawking.
Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?
Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
Q. Why is Stephen Hawking so good at air guitar?
A. Because he has excellent string theory.
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?