Whos jokes

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow wh---

MOOOO!

What do you call a priest who became a singer?

Michael Jackson.

In a thick Russian accent:

"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."

What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!

What do you call a kid with autism who saw Star Wars?

Chewbacca.

What do you tell someone who has depression?

Answer: Just hang in there.

I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.

"Who am I?"

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.

Man, I am jealous of the victims of 9/11. They are the fastest readers, who went through 87 stories in 8 seconds.

What do you call an emo who just crossed the road? Roadkill.

Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

Q: What is the favorite song of the people who window dived out of the Twin Towers?

A: "Free Fallin'"

Who likes Fortnite? Gwen Stacy is in the game, let's goooooo! I love her!

I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.

Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.

What did the man say about someone who had a seizure?

"Jit was lagging."

What is an orphan versus orphan competition?

Who will get adopted first?

I'm still wondering who took Jesus' sandals.

Even the one who ate that dove that sat at Jesus' shoulder. 🤔