When jokes

What do you do when you're sad?

Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

Your mama is so ugly that when she walked in the bank, they had to turn off the cameras.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good. He died during 9/11.

I started crying when Dad was chopping onions.

Onions was a good dog.

What do you get when you cross a Jamaican with a ginger?

A gingerbread man.

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

What did the tomato say to the tomato ketchup?

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

What happened when the emo kid gave the tree a high five? It left him hanging.

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....

Good thing my brother's a little bit different.

What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?

A pap smear.

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."

Where's freshfry when I need him? :(

Sorry man, but I got to say one thing. You know when a bully in a movie walks to you, then they walk up to you, and they smell you and say, "What are you doing?"

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.