When jokes

What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?

You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.

When it comes to mosquitoes in Africa, should you feel bad that they're getting AIDS from their victims?

What do you get when you cross a vegan and a burger fry-cook?

A shitty plant-based patty.

My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.

But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

When Sally was little, she came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, I can't believe it! Little John collects Pimmel at school."

Mom: "No?"

"Like in heaven?" said the mother.

"No, juice," Sally said.

I am so cool that even the fridge or a snowman would shiver his timbers when they see me :).

What do feminists do when they fail at something?

Blame men for sexism and misogyny.

Yo Mama is so dumb, she works best when she is unemployed.

When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.

The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.

Yo mama so poor, when I ring the doorbell, she says, "DING!"

What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?

"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.

What did Osama get on his test when he was a kid? A 9/11.

When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳

When you were late to school and your teacher called you tardy, she meant that in more ways than one.

When do we think the Empire State Building is going to be shot down?

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.