When jokes
My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
He is so fast that he broke the internet for the whole world when he ran.
What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."
Q: When does a pentagon have four sides?
A: When it's intersected by a plane!
Memes
When Peter Pan jumped off the Twin Towers, what happened? He Neverland.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
A: Cowacat
B: Mooore
C: Cowacatfood
Your mama is so fat, when her husband said, "Let's go to the Super Bowl," she bought a spoon.
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
What season is it when you're on a trampoline?
Spring time!
What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.
I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.
What do you do when you see a wiener dog?
I like you wiener.
Sorry man, but I got to say one thing. You know when a bully in a movie walks to you, then they walk up to you, and they smell you and say, "What are you doing?"
Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.
This is my name: watersharky!
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.