When jokes
What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble?
That hit the spot!
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
When you are losing at Tetris, I guess the odds are STACKED against you.
What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...
His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
What did the bitch say to her sister when she stepped on her toe? Oww, mitosis!
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?
In an explosion.
Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"
If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!
Time heals all wounds.
Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking you.
When I grow up, I wanna be like Lil Peep... Dead.
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.
Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.