When jokes
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"
Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To Be Continued."
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
Boo Boo Doo.
Ur mom is so fat that when she came to the front door, she was already at the back door.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Yo mama so fat, when she was just there, she made the whole earth go back to the ice age!
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"
What happens when you fail to be an emo? You don't make the cut.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.
What do you call it when you have two Indians, one Black, and a fat White?
A s'more.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!