Whats jokes
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: π.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: π³πΆπ.
My depression: π don't worry I'll always be here for you.
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
Memes
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
What do gay men like cocks?
π¦π¦π¦ they like the cream filling π
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
"Whatβs your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, βD-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.β "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, βNo sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.β
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross-country!!!
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An envelope.
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."
Therapist: So what brought you here today?
Wife: He's too literal.
Therapist: And you, sir?
Husband: My truck.