What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
Them: You want some Lucky Harms?
Me: What are Lucky Harms?
Them: They're Lucky charms, but instead of being magically delicious, they're magically malicious.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
What’s red and in a corner ? A baby with a razor blade What’s green and in a corner ? The same baby three weeks later
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
what does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
they both look good hanging from a tree
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common? You were bloody and battered but at least you're dad came.
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he's too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
FIRST DATE
man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher..
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
If it's true what they say and I quote; "God never gives you more than you can handle"
Then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6 year olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage
I asked my midget neighbour if he wanted a lift. He told m to "Fuck of!!!"! I thought what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.
What is a skeleton favorite instrument?
A trom-bone 😂
what's the difference beetween a snowman and a snowwoman?
snowballs ;) :)
what do fat demons hate, exorcise
What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat. She said nothing, so I took her to Africa
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus’s birth date.
