What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
Seizure salad.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
What's the difference between a Mexican and a frog?
One jumps in ponds, the other leaps over the border. :)