Whats jokes
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: π.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: π³πΆπ.
My depression: π don't worry I'll always be here for you.
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
Memes
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled children.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
What do gay men like cocks?
π¦π¦π¦ they like the cream filling π
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
Seizure salad.
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An envelope.
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."