Whats jokes

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot wheels.

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."

What do gay men like cocks?

🍦🍦🍦 they like the cream filling 😋

What do you call a dog with no legs?

My asian neighbors dinner.

Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.

What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?

A microtransaction.

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.

What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.

What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.

A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”

What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?

A virgin.

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An envelope.

what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.

When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."

Therapist: So what brought you here today?

Wife: He's too literal.

Therapist: And you, sir?

Husband: My truck.

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?

Seizure salad.

"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

The teacher is asking you a question.

Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"

Me: "Dead."