Whats jokes

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot wheels.

What has 50 legs but can't walk?

25 disabled children.

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."

What do gay men like cocks?

🍦🍦🍦 they like the cream filling 😋

Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.

What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.

What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.

What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?

A microtransaction.

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.

What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?

A virgin.

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?

Seizure salad.

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An envelope.

what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.

When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."

Therapist: So what brought you here today?

Wife: He's too literal.

Therapist: And you, sir?

Husband: My truck.

"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.