Whats jokes
What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.
What's the difference between an orphan and Stuart Little?
Stuart Little got chosen!
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang. Unlike its parents, it comes back.
What did the bread photographer say to the toast? Say, "Toasted cheese!"
What type of pizza do they serve on an airplane?
Plane pizza.
What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?
A baked potato.
Need a sock puppet for a joke.
"Hey Soccy?" "What?" "Where do you come from?" "The laundry bin... I don’t wanna talk about it!" 🤣
What's the only part of a vegetable you cannot eat?
Wheelchair.
What's got 4 legs and is stronger than Superman?
Christopher Reeve's horse.
What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
So I'm a cow, guess what my dad thinks of that? He says I'm a loooosmer.
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What do you call a swimmer from Iraq?
A bath bomb.
What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"