Whats jokes
What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?
A pedo-file.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
Memes
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
What's the difference between acne and the Pope?
Acne waits till you're 13 to cum on your face.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
What's white, black, and red all over?
A zebra who walked into a hunting reserve.
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.
What did Cinderella leave at the ball?
Her virginity.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
What did Michael Jackson find on his bedsheets?
Billie's Jeans... Hee hee!
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.
After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red, rock eater.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call the White House when a woman becomes President? A stable.
What does the "W" stand for in Africa?
Water.