Whats jokes

What is Wacko Jacko's favorite David Bowie song?

"Boys Keep Swinging."

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.

"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.

"He thought he was having his picture taken."

What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?

One stays quiet forever...

What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?

Poutine with Russian dressing!

What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?

They both have no way home!

What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?

The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.

What's the best haircut?

Chemotherapy.

What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and red and black and white and white and black and red and red and black and red and white and black and red and red and red and red?

A penguin in a blender.

What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...

What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?

Cracking open a cold one with the boys.

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A vanilla shake.

What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?

Coldplay.

What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

What do you call a blind German?

A notsee.