Whats jokes

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

One screams when I peel its skin off.

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.

What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and red and black and white and white and black and red and red and black and red and white and black and red and red and red and red?

A penguin in a blender.

What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?

Cracking open a cold one with the boys.

So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.

What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?

Poutine with Russian dressing!

What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?

The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.

What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.

What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?

Coldplay.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."

What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

What happens when an asian with an erection bumps into a wall? he breaks his nose

What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo?

A selfie.

What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.

What do you call a high school student?

Alone and depressed.