Whats jokes
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
What is Wacko Jacko's favorite David Bowie song?
"Boys Keep Swinging."
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
What's the best haircut?
Chemotherapy.
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...