The teacher told me to put my MP3 away, so I brought out my MP5. Now that bitch knows what not to tell me.
Whats Jokes
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
What do you call a blind German?
A notsee.
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.
Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?
Dad: Ask your sister.
Daughter: But I don't have a sister.
Dad: Exactly.
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.
What's the difference between orphans and cotton?
Cotton gets picked.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What do bees brush their hair with?
A honeycomb.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
