Whats jokes

What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?

Nothing.

What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?

Chocolate arm.

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A bus full of children.

What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.

Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.

What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?

"Hello, ladies!"

What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.

What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?

He said he was awfully touched!

What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.

What did Google Translate say to Siri?

"Why are you so Siri-ous?"

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.

Me: Hey friend!

Friend: Yes?

Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

Friend: Touch.

Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

Friend: Grass.

Me: And you get?

Friend: Touch grass.

What is the worst joke ever? It's you.

What is a group of singing terrorists called? A Taliband.

What's the difference between puppies and orphans?

Puppies actually get picked.

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?

Fatherless.

What do you call a blank piece of paper?

Women's rights.

My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.

What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?

The apples actually get picked.