A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."
What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their greatest hits are "the wall."
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.
Hello guys, imagine if we had no school and we get to do whatever we want without parents telling us what to do! What place would you want to call it and what would the fun things we get to do be? I would call it "Happy world for kids." Leave a comment telling me what it would be called! Enjoy! :)
What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?
Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.
What is the tallest building in the entire world? The library, because it has so many stories.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple gets picked.
What are Russia's favorite netball positions?
Goal Shooter and Wing Attack.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.
"What's she like?" he asked the boy.
"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.
