Whats jokes
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
What feature does an orphan's phone not have?
A home button.
What's black and white?
History.
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
What is a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
What type of work can orphans do? Homework.
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What is Hitler's favorite food? A hindenburger.
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?
Answer: Hair Force One!
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?
Sum ting wong.
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.