"Go big or go home", that's what some people say.
"Go loud and proud", that's what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!", that's what I say.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
What do u call a emo cappella group
Self harmony
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
What is an orphan's favorite event? Homecoming.
Say what you want about Pedophiles but at least they drive slow through school zones
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
What has 50 legs but cant walk?
25 disabled kids
I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
If you were a food what would you be?
Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy
Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends
Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside
Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach
What did the rope say to me?
"hey there man, you wanna hang later?"
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
