Whats jokes
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
What do emos and apples have in common?
They both hang on trees.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
What pool never runs dry?
The one on the Titanic.
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
What’s New York’s favorite game?
2001 flight simulator.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.