One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism? It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage? A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A kinder surprise
What do emos and apples have in common?
They both hang on trees.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso
Jk Its bleach
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don't like going to school
Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey
Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up, I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common?: They both spread for bread
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
Someone asked me, 'What are them scars on your arm ? ..' I thought I was playing a violin '
What does a politician and a minister have in common? both of them will tell you anything to get money from you
What pool never runs dry? The one on the Titanic.
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live." The man says " 10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?" The doctor calmly replies "Nine"
