Whats jokes
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?
It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
What can you not ride with two wheelchairs? A burger 🍔 one wheelchair.
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
What’s another name for nutting in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
What was Jesus scared of the most?
Snails.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?
Teacher: What?
Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.
There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"
She replies with, "These are my headlights."
He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."
So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."
Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"
What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.
I have 3 eyes, 2 ears, and 6 mouths, what am I?
UGLY!
What do retarded cops give tickets for?
Going over 45 in a potato zone.
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
They have blackboards and whiteboards, but what happened to Mexicanboards?
What do you call a dictatorial cow?
Moosilini.
What's the difference between depression and a girl?
XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
What was David Bowie’s last hit?
Probably heroin.