My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
What does “JETS” stand for?
Jihadis Eradicating The Skyscrapers.
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”
The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
What’s a German’s favorite drink? Orange Jews. Hundred percent concentrated.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
What is long and the line is black?
The line at KFC.
What do you call an ass on a beach?
Sandy cheeks!
What do asses and secrets have in common?
Both are better when not leaked!
What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?
Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.
I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.
BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?
What do you call a booty that can sing?
A crack-up!
What did the farmer say when he saw his chicken cross the road?
"No, my cock!"
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
What instrument do skeletons play?
The Trombone!
What did one slave owner say to the other slave owner when he couldn’t find his slave?
Don’t worry, I’ll rope him in.
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
