What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
Whats Jokes
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
What is the definition of a woman?
A life support system for a vagina.
What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after she was done licking her pussy after she was done having her blood period?
"I will be back next month."
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo? A selfie.
What do oranges 🍊 sweat?
Juice!
What is the biggest candy in the world?
Candy Borobudur.
It is now legal to bully an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Spider-Man: Homecoming."
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?
Screamed till her hands fell off.
What did Sally do when she got home?
Cry because she has no arms.
Why can't blondes write comments on the jokes on this site?
Because they don't know what 2 X 4 is.
what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?
one has a point.
What do you call a bunch of biracial, retarded kids? The Special Olympics.
What falls but never gets hurt? Snow.
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.
What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
What time is it when a rooster sits on a fence? Morning.
What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.
What time is it when a lawyer sits on the fence? Time for an elephant to sit on the fence.
