Adopted kid:
Hey, Alex, what are you doing?
Alex:
Nothing, just playing my game. Anyways, you know you can call me "dad."
Adopted kid:
OK, dad Alex.
Alex:
Oh, come on! My game! I’m winning. Let’s go!
Adopted kid:
I’m so glad I have a mom.
Whats Jokes
What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?
The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"
Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"
"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."
"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
The Milky Way!
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.
What do you call that useless piece of skin that goes all the way around a pussy?
A woman!
What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?
Guardian of the confessional booth.
What kind of tree fits into your hand? A palm tree.
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear.
What was Pepe's best friend? Ballsack.
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
