What’s green and smells of bacon?
KERMIT'S FINGERS ✌️
Whats Jokes
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
What's the best thing about having sex with 28 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What is one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in the school zone.
What did the Teacher say to the orphan?
"I am calling your parents!"
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
"Pikachu, I choose you!"
What's the difference between you and an orphan?
Nothing.
What does Marcus Rashford say when he comes to the stadium?
I wanna kick some balls!
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
What’s an orphan’s least favorite beverage? Milk.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.
What is Donald Trump's hairstyle called?
A comb-over.
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
What's white and sticky?
Toothpaste.
