Whats jokes
Guys talk to me is what the emo loner said, but seriously, talk to me.
Guys, I'm back...
Here's my joke:
What is blue and red all over?
Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
What do George Washington and a beaver have in common?
They both have eyes.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA.
What is a photographer's favorite card game?
SNAP!
What do you call a deaf person?
Whatever you want!
What type of candy does the most magic?
Twix!
What is the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
What is the best la?
A koa-la!
What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?
One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.
What is a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, it's bleach.
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
What do you call a group of sped kids with AK-47s?
Special forces.
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Q: What’s the difference between orphans and apples?
A: Apples get picked.
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.